My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
