Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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