I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
