Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
