he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
