and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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