ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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