I just pynch a tree in the face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
