I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize