We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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