Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
