he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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