Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
