i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
