I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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