my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
