that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize