everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sober January is a disaster.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
