i can't believe i had my finger in that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
