There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
