He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
