You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
