i just had sex bonerless
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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