isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
