Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
