so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
