Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
