If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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