omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im part way to drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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