My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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