Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Randomize
