I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
