P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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