maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
