Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
