she smelled like a LAN party
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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