why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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