And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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