i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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