What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
