thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
