There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
look no pants
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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