Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
