Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
