oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
