I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
