She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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