Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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