So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
