Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize