It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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