dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
