great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
