he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
