We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
