Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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