hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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