After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize