we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Couch. On fire.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
