Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
