Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
