Yo dont text me then not text me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
