Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
