dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone came in the potted fern
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
