I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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