oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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