i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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