He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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