She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
