I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
