He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
