i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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