it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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