I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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