C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
