there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He kissed a someone with a penis
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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