I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
