i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
