I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
