I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is Oprah even human
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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