Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
