No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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