Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
