Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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