Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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