Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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