From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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