I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
