There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
