I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
