the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
