She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize