While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
