New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
