you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
