Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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