Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it because I queefed?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
