So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
honey bunches of taint.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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