Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think i peed on brittanys purse
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
