i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
