is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
