The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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