Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize