my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish I only lived at night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
