All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
