I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
