Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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