Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
