i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
