You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
