a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
